One thing I have always grappled with is the thought of adoption being a second-best option. Would we have adopted if we hadn’t faced infertility? I can’t say for sure. Probably not. But just because it wasn’t our first choice doesn’t mean it wasn’t the best choice. This is why we chose adoption after infertility.
From Infertility to Intentional Parenthood
I suffer from severe stage 4 endometriosis, and Mitchell has teratozoospermia. The reality for us meant surgery, then hoping and praying that IVF would work, all within a time frame of at least two years. We could keep trying for a biological child and hope for the best. But we had always said, “There’s always adoption.”
Adoption isn’t a decision you make lightly. It requires thought, research, and an honest conversation with yourself about your expectations, fears, and hopes.
After a long, emotional discussion between Mitchell and me, followed by another with our family, we decided to explore adoption seriously. We longed for a child we couldn’t create, and the thought that there was a child out there longing for us was overwhelming. The more we thought about it, the more it felt right. And the truth is, so many children are waiting in the system, longing for a place to call home. If you’re wondering what the process really looks like, I break it down step-by-step in How Long Does Adoption Take in the UK?.
At the time, we didn’t know enough about adoption, I had no personal experience with it and didn’t know anyone who had adopted. So, we started with Google. We searched every resource we could find. I started reading everything I could get my hands on. These Top Adoption Books for UK Adopters helped us understand the process, the emotional realities, and how to prepare practically and mentally. For anyone just beginning I’d start with No Matter What by Sally Donovan, it’s a deeply human memoir that follows Sally Donovan’s experience of adopting two children from the UK care system.
I read blog after blog, watched countless videos, and spent hours scrolling through Mumsnet and Reddit. I started this blog for that very reason, to document our journey and, hopefully, reach someone else in the same position. If even one person reads this and finds it helpful, then it was worth it.
Choosing Love: What Adoption Taught Us About Family
I’d be lying if I said we didn’t have doubts. Could we love an adopted child the same way we would a biological one? Would we be able to handle the challenges of adoption, the attachment issues, the trauma, the unknowns? What if our child struggled to bond with us? What if we struggled to bond with them? But here’s what we realised: love and family aren’t about biology. They’re about showing up, day after day, and choosing to love. It’s about commitment, patience, and understanding. We talk honestly about those first weeks in Our First Week as a Family of Three, a raw, beautiful, messy time that bonded us forever.
We had a lot of emotional unpacking to do before we were ready to start the process. I had to grieve the idea of pregnancy, of experiencing a baby kick inside me, of seeing my features reflected in my child. That was a big one for me and Mitchell. But now, I know there was no other path for us, this was what we were meant to do.
Another consideration was the child’s age. We had to grieve the idea of bringing a newborn home from the hospital, as we were advised that most babies are adopted through early permanence. It was more likely we would adopt a toddler. This meant missing out on certain firsts, the first time sitting up, first smile, maybe even first words or first steps. But then we realised we would gain new firsts! Special moments not every parent gets to experience. The first time we met our child, the day we moved them into their forever home, the moment they met our extended family, and so many more. We were gifted this beautiful adoption memory book as a keepsake for all the firsts we experienced—moving in day, meeting family members and those little everyday wins that meant everything to us.
Adoption changed our lives in ways we never could have imagined. It taught us patience, resilience, and a deeper kind of love than we ever knew existed.
Final Thoughts
If you’re considering adoption, I won’t sugar-coat it, it’s hard. It’s an emotional roller coaster. But it’s also one of the most beautiful things you can ever do.
I did not grow or give birth to Willow, but I am her mother, Mitchell is her Father and we are a family. And at the end of the day, that’s what matters. Family is built in many ways, and sometimes, the best things in life are the ones you never planned for.
If you’re in this position, I encourage you to consider adoption. It wasn’t our first choice, but looking at our daughter, we know without a doubt, it was the right one.
For Mitchell’s perspective, read Fatherhood Through Adoption: One Dad’s Honest Perspective. It’s beautiful, heartfelt, and gave me even more appreciation for this journey we’ve walked together. For a deeper look into our full adoption journey, including the highs, lows, and everything in between, check out our UK adoption story. It’s a raw and honest account of our experience that we hope will inspire and guide others on this path.
We’ve since shared more about our journey:
- The Grief Before The Hope: Our Infertility Journey Through Diagnoses, Loss and Love
- Top 10 Adoption Books for Prospective Adopters and Adoptive Parents
- How We Prepared For Adoption Panel
- Adoption Leave- What It’s Really Like
- Telling Family & Friends We’re Adopting – Their Reactions, Support and Love
- How Much Does Adoption Cost in the UK? The Truth From My Personal Experience
- How Long Does Adoption Take In The UK? A Step-by-Step Guide With Timelines and Expectations
Some of the products linked here are affiliate links, which means I might earn a small commission (at no cost to you). I only recommend things we’ve genuinely used and loved. Thank you for supporting this space. If you’re navigating adoption or parenthood, I’ve shared the most genuinely helpful resources, reads, and self-care items on this page. Everything on there has made a difference for us and I hope it can for you too.
Thank you for following our journey. If you have any questions about adoption, feel free to reach out. I’d love to support others on this path.
UK Adoption Charities and Support Resources
If you’re currently navigating adoption — here are some trusted organisations that offer advice, community, and emotional support:
- Adoption UK – National charity offering support for adopters and prospective adopters, including forums, local groups, and educational resources.
- First4Adoption (now part of Coram Ambitious for Adoption) – A comprehensive guide for anyone considering adoption in England.
- We Are Family – A peer support community for adoptive parents, run by adopters for adopters.
- PAC-UK – Provides specialist support for all parties affected by adoption and permanency, including training and therapy services.
- CoramBAAF – Offers expert guidance, publications, and policy insight for those involved in adoption and fostering.
- Family Rights Group – Support for families whose children are in the care system, including advice for kinship carers and special guardians.