Moving toward adoption after infertility felt like finding our footing on unfamiliar ground. Not firm, not steady at first, but new. Not the path we expected, but one we began to trust more with each step. It wasn’t a decision we made overnight. It came slowly, through tears, late-night conversations, and long walks filled with silence and questions. If your interested in the reason and how we came to that decision you can read why we chose adoption here. Once we finally said yes to adoption, a whole new challenge surfaced.
How Do We Tell The People We Love The Most?
Our close family and friends had already been there through so much. They’d seen us at our lowest, held us through the pain of infertility, and offered shoulders to cry on when we had nothing left. But this was different. Adoption was a new kind of vulnerable. It wasn’t just saying, “We can’t have a biological child.” It was saying, “This is the path we’re choosing instead.”
And with that came fear. Would they understand? Would they support us? Would they be happy? Would they love our child like they would a biological one?
Choosing To Share
We started with those closest to us- my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, Mitchell’s parents, our best friends. These were the people who had seen our grief up close. I didn’t feel the need to explain why we were choosing adoption—they already knew. But saying the words out loud still caught in my throat. The grief doesn’t just disappear, the heartbreak carries through but becomes more subtle, quieter. It transforms into something hopeful.
In truth, my family was part of the decision from early on. We’d had plenty of surface-level conversations before, but before attending our first information event, we sat down for a long, in-depth talk, one full of what ifs and difficult questions.
I remember asking my parents, “What if my sister has a biological child? Will your feelings be different toward a grandchild not born from our bloodline?” Deep, awkward questions. But they met them with grace. They reassured me: any child of mine would be our child- family, through and through. A child we would all love and raise together. Mitchell’s parents were the same, so open and accepting. Mitchell’s mum, bless her, didn’t even blink. She was on board before we were. Her exact words? “This is amazing”.
There was never going to be a perfect moment to tell everyone else. We didn’t make a formal announcement. No big reveal. It happened gradually- coffee chats, quiet conversations in the car or at lunch.
Reactions That Stuck With Me
From our immediate family and two closest friends, it never felt like a big reveal, it felt like unity. “Right,” they said, “so what do we need to do?” They fought over who would be our references, showed up to family training, called after every social worker visit, and read every book I handed them. They were in it with us.
Our friends and work colleagues were amazing too. We’re lucky to have a close-knit work group, and from the start, they offered nothing but love, support, and kindness.
But of course, some reactions caught us off guard. A few asked questions we weren’t ready for:
“Oh, adoption? That’s just as good.”
“What if the birth mum changes her mind?”
They meant well, but it reminded us how misunderstood adoption still is. We realised we’d be explaining, and gently educating, for years to come: to friends, strangers, even professionals. It wasn’t always easy to hear, but we tried to be patient. And when we didn’t have the energy to explain, we gave ourselves permission to say, “That’s something we’re still figuring out.”
Still, the overwhelming theme was love. Support. Pride. People didn’t see us as a couple who had failed. They saw a family growing in a new way. That shift in perspective meant everything. It gave our pain a purpose. It gave our journey a meaning beyond heartbreak. We know now that reason was Willow.
The Power Of Openness
Being honest from the start made a huge difference. We didn’t sugar-coat anything. We talked about the pain of infertility and how this wasn’t our Plan A, wasn’t our first choice but was definitely our best one. About how, strangely, adoption had become something we felt deeply passionate about.
It wasn’t a backup plan anymore. It was our plan
That honesty invited others to be vulnerable, too. Friends shared stories of people they knew who had adopted. One even confided her own quiet fears around fertility. Those conversations deepened our relationships and reminded me that no one’s path to parenthood is simple. We just don’t talk about it enough.
Advice For Others
If you’re where we were, wondering how to tell your people- here’s what I’d say:
- Start with your safe people. The ones who love you without condition. Let them be your anchor.
- Don’t wait for the perfect moment. It doesn’t exist. Just speak from the heart.
- You don’t owe everyone everything. Share what feels right, when it feels right. Protect your emotional space.
- Expect questions, but set boundaries. It’s okay to say, “We’re still figuring that out,” or “We’ll share more when we’re ready.”
- Let people support you. Even when it’s hard. Especially then. You’ll be amazed how people show up.
Where To Find Support
If you’re starting your own adoption journey, or even just thinking about it, here are some incredible charities and resources that helped us and might help you too:
- Adoption UK – A community of adopters offering support, advice, and connection.
- Coram Adoption – Trusted adoption agency with years of experience.
- First4Adoption – Government-supported info hub for prospective adopters.
- Home for Good – A charity championing adoption and fostering, rooted in faith and community.
Want To Read More About Our Journey?
- The Grief Before The Hope: Our Infertility Journey Through Diagnoses, Loss and Love
- Top 10 Adoption Books for Prospective Adopters and Adoptive Parents
- Fatherhood Through UK Adoption: A Dad’s Perspective
- How Much Does Adoption Cost in the UK? The Truth From My Personal Experience
- How Long Does Adoption Take In The UK? A Step-by-Step Guide With Timelines and Expectations
- Why We Chose Adoption – Love Without Limits
The Beauty Of Being Held
Looking back, I see how lucky we are- not just because we’re on the path to adoption, but because we’ve never walked it alone.
The people around us carried us in ways big and small. They showed up in ways we never imagined. It cemented the idea that family isn’t about biology, it’s about love. And that’s exactly what adoption is.
