Finding Grace as a New Mum with Endometriosis - Love Beyond Biology: Our UK Adoption & Parenthood Journey

When I imagined motherhood, I pictured sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, and toys everywhere. Not that I’d still be battling flare-ups that left me curled up in bed while my toddler needed breakfast. I’m a new mum with endometriosis, and it didn’t magically disappear the moment I became a mum (rude, right?).

If anything, becoming a parent while living with a chronic illness adds layers of complexity, guilt, beauty, and resilience that no training can prepare you for. So I wanted to share what that really looks like for me, the real-life version of managing endo and motherhood.

Endometriosis Doesn’t Clock Out When You Become a Parent

Endometriosis doesn’t care that I’m a mum now.

It doesn’t hit pause just because my daughter is crying, or needs help with her shoes, or wants a snack that is not the one I just prepared.

On flare days, my body feels heavy. My pelvis burns. My joints ache. Sometimes I’m nauseous, foggy from meds, or stuck in bed completely. And obviously toddlers don’t understand chronic illness. She doesn’t know that mummy needs to lie down. She still wants to play, cuddle, snack, sing, and be seen. Especially the demands of trauma informed, therapeutic parenting that adds an extra layer of calm and patience required.

And that’s where the grace comes in.

Creating a Village That Supports, Not Replaces

I’m incredibly lucky to have a support system around me. My husband Mitchell is amazing, we are very much a team. When he’s off work, he steps in fully. And on days when I’m really struggling, her grandparents take over with love and ease.

But we were really intentional about introducing our daughter to our circle slowly, with care and connection, so that she felt safe and attached to them. That way, on those tough days, I know she’s not just looked after, she’s truly loved, by people she trusts deeply.

What Flare Days Really Look Like

Let’s not sugar-coat it: flare days can be brutal. Mine are at their worst the first 3 days of my period. But it can hit any time of the month, for however long it wants.

Sometimes I wake up and know it’s going to be a bad one. Other times, it creeps up by mid-afternoon. Either way, when it hits, the goal becomes survival and presence, not perfection. Unfortunately some days I am unable to get out of bed through pain, these are the days I call on help.

Here’s what helps me:

Pre-packed quiet-time activities: I keep a little basket of things like sensory toys, books, her Toniebox, and calming music playlists ready to go.
Meal shortcuts: I batch-cook on my good days and freeze toddler meals so I don’t need to cook from scratch.
Low-effort play: If I can’t get off the sofa, I invite her up with me. We play with stickers, snuggle and read, it gives me a minute to rest.

When I get even a small break from the pain, I use it wisely. I sit down and play, make eye contact and cuddle her. It’s not about doing it all, it’s about doing what matters most.

Tools That Help Me Parent with Endometriosis

Over time, I’ve found a few items and routines that make life with endo and a toddler a little more manageable. Here are my must-haves (affiliate links included — I only recommend what I actually use and love):

Relief Essentials

Rechargeable Heat Pad – game changer.
Beating Endo: A Patient’s Treatment Plan for Endometriosis – This is a fantastic resource and very informative, understanding my condition helps me manage it.
Weighted blanket – helps me relax when everything feels like too much.

Parenting with Low Energy

Toniebox – gives her calm independent play while I rest beside her.
Water Wow! books – reusable and great for quiet time.
Self-care journal – helps me reflect and release feelings when I get a quiet moment.

One of the hardest parts? The guilt.

Not being able to chase her in the park like other mums on those days. Saying sorry sweetheart “not right now” when she wants to play. The fear that she’ll notice, that she’ll feel I’m not fully present.

But here’s what I’m learning…

Being a good mum isn’t about doing everything. It’s about showing up in the ways you can. It’s about modelling rest. About teaching resilience. About offering love even when your body is screaming.

And if anything, she’s learning empathy, patience, and the value of slowing down. I remind myself often: she doesn’t need perfect. She just needs me. Loving her, showing up however I can.

Planning for the Cycles

Endo is unpredictable, but over the years I’ve started to notice patterns. I track my symptoms and cycle using Clue & Stardust (free apps), so I can loosely predict when a flare might hit. That helps me:

Avoid over-scheduling during flare windows
Communicate in advance with Mitchell or family
Prepare freezer meals and quiet-day activities ahead of time

If tracking isn’t your thing, even just writing down flare days on a calendar can help you notice patterns and prep more intentionally.

Finding Grace & Letting Go of “Perfect”

Here’s the truth: I’m not the mum I imagined I’d be.

I thought I’d be more energetic. More on-the-go. The Pinterest version of parenting. But instead, I’m present. I’m intuitive. I know how to slow down and notice small things. How to adapt on the fly. I know how to advocate, for myself and for her. If I have to forsake the hoovering that day to focus my limited energy on her, that’s what I’ll do. I’m learning not to feel guilty about it either.

Endo has forced me to find grace. To let go of productivity as a measure of worth. To trust that showing up, even when it’s hard, is powerful parenting.

And it’s teaching her something too.

If you’re a Chronically Ill Parent (You’re Not Alone)

If you’re navigating chronic illness and parenting, I want to say this clearly:

You’re not lazy and you’re not failing. You’re doing something incredibly brave every single day.

Whether you’re on the floor playing through pain, lying down with your child beside you, or tagging in help when you need it, that is love. That is presence.

You don’t need to do it all to be doing enough.

Helpful Resources

Endometriosis UK – Offers information, support groups, a helpline, and awareness resources for anyone living with endometriosis.
The Endometriosis Foundation – Advocacy, research, and educational resources for managing endometriosis
Adoption UK – Offers guidance, online forums, and local support groups for adoptive families in the UK.
Pact – Parents and Children Together – Adoption charity with post-adoption support and workshops.

Final Words: We Do What We Can, When We Can

Some days, I’m the mum running around the soft play centre, the one batch cooking healthy food, setting out screen free fun time. Other days, I’m curled on the sofa with a heating pad, handing her a snack while we watch peppa pig.

And both days are real. Both days are valid. And both days, I’m a good mum.

We show up in the ways we can, we love deeply and we rest when needed. And slowly, we teach our children something powerful: that caring for others also includes caring for yourself.

What Helps You?

If you’re parenting with endo or any chronic illness — I’d love to hear what helps you through flare days. Find me on Instagram or send us an email.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like to read some of our recent stories and guides: