Fatherhood Through Adoption: One Dad’s Honest Perspective

The reality of fatherhood through adoption wasn’t something I had envisioned. Like many people, I assumed that parenthood would follow the traditional path- marriage, pregnancy, and the arrival of a child. But life rarely sticks to the script. For us, the path to parenthood was long, winding, and deeply transformative. It eventually led us to Willow, our beautiful daughter. This is my story, from a father’s perspective. The fear, the learning and ultimately, the joy of adoption in England. If you’re new here, you can read our full adoption story for a complete overview of our journey, from the very first conversation to where we are now.

Facing Infertility, Deciding To Adopt and Redefining Fatherhood

Before we chose adoption, we faced the painful truth: both of us were infertile. That reality was devastating. It challenged our sense of identity, our future, and our vision of what family would look like. There were moments when it felt like everything we dreamed of was slipping away. But rather than let that break us, we let it shape us. After many emotional conversations, we knew adoption was right for us. You can read more in why we chose adoption and how we reached that decision.

Deciding to adopt was both a bold and vulnerable step. Not because we lacked confidence in our ability to parent, but because we were stepping into the unknown. We knew we had the love. We had a stable, safe home. But what we didn’t have were answers, about how the process worked, what it would cost us emotionally, or whether we were truly prepared.

I remember those early days clearly. We scoured the internet looking for answers, clarity, and reassurance. We found that there weren’t a lot of resources online, at least not ones that gave us the clarity we needed. We weren’t looking for perfection, we wanted real stories. Stories like ours. And they were hard to find.

We talked-a lot. Late-night conversations, hard questions, long silences. We promised each other honesty above all else. If one of us ever felt unsure, we’d speak up. No judgement. No pressure. That agreement became the foundation of our adoption journey. We weren’t just choosing to become parents, we were choosing to do it with intention, transparency, and mutual support.

The Process: More Than Paperwork

Adoption in the UK involves a two-stage assessment, each with its own timelines. If you’re wondering what to expect, we’ve broken down exactly how long adoption takes in a separate post. The process is anything but easy. It’s intense, emotional, and, at times, deeply personal. It’s designed to ensure that you’re ready, not just logistically, but mentally and emotionally.

Stage one felt like an admin marathon: forms, background checks, training sessions, medical exams. That’s when we were handed the infamous workbook- 70 pages of deep-dive questions about our childhoods, beliefs, values, relationships, traumas, and more. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was like therapy on paper, therapy I initially resisted.

It Changed Me

I had to confront parts of myself I hadn’t thought about in years. I had to ask myself difficult questions: Why do I want to be a father? What kind of parent will I be? How do I respond to stress, grief, conflict? I came out of that stage not just more prepared, but more self-aware.

Stage Two brought all of that into the open. We were now saying it all out loud, to a real person, our social worker, who sat with us in our home for hours at a time, asking deeply personal questions. At first, it felt strange and uncomfortable. But to my surprise, I actually enjoyed some of it. Reflecting is therapeutic, especially when you’re so used to focusing only on your mistakes. For the first time in a long time, I was reminded of our strengths: our resilience, the support we’ve given each other, and all we’ve accomplished- both individually and together.

As a couple, we grew stronger too. The process challenged us to reflect on how we communicate, how we share responsibilities, and how we show up for each other when faced with the unknown. It wasn’t just an evaluation, it was a transformation.

The Fear I Didn’t Expect

I’ve never been afraid of becoming a dad. But during the adoption journey, I found myself gripped by fear, not of fatherhood itself, but of getting it wrong. What if my own insecurities or mistakes hurt the child we were bringing into our lives?

At first, I mistook that fear for doubt. But I soon realised that fear and doubt aren’t the same thing. Doubt makes you question your path. Fear makes you cautious. Cautious, when paired with love and commitment, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s what made me take the process seriously. It’s what helped me grow.

Love at First Sight: On Paper

As we neared the end of Stage Two, we were preparing for our approval panel day- a nerve-wracking yet hopeful milestone. That’s when we were shown her profile. Willow’s profile.

I remember the moment we saw it, both of us instantly felt something. It was like a switch flipped. I tried to keep my emotions in check, reminding myself that nothing was guaranteed. Just because we were shown her profile didn’t mean it would become a reality. But logic didn’t stand a chance against my gut feeling.

Each passing day, she grew more and more in our minds and in our hearts. It felt surreal. How could a single profile, a piece of paper hold so much power? You haven’t met them. You haven’t heard their voice. But somehow, your heart starts making room. You start imagining life with them. And those imaginations become dreams. Then those dreams become plans.

People always say, “When you know, you know.” And in that moment, I truly understood what that meant.

Placement Day: A Wave Of Emotions

The day Willow came home- placement day, was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It wasn’t like bringing a new-born home from the hospital. It was more like your world shifting on its axis.

Suddenly, there was a child in our home. A child who 3 weeks prior didn’t know we existed. A child we already loved fiercely.

Was I nervous? Excited? Anxious? Honestly, I didn’t even know. My mind was racing, my emotions all over the place. This was it. This was real. We were parents now. It hit like a tidal wave. A beautiful, but overwhelming tidal wave.

What do we do if…?

How do we know when…?

Is it normal that she…?

So many questions. And on top of that, our entire routine flipped overnight. Life as we knew it changed in an instant.

The Early Days: Chaos, Learning & Love

Those first few weeks were a blur. Nappies, tantrums, laughter, questions, sleepless nights, hugs, routines, bonding activities… all of it. It was exhausting and beautiful and messy and meaningful.

Every night, we’d collapse into bed, physically and emotionally drained. But we wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Every milestone felt monumental- her first laugh at a silly joke, the first time she called me “Daddy,” the first time she reached for my hand without hesitation. Those moments stitched our bond together. You can read about our first few week here.

Watching Willow Thrive

Now, months later, Willow is thriving. She’s confident, cheeky, loving, and so full of life. Watching her grow has been the greatest gift. She’s filled our home with joy we never knew we were missing. She feels like she’s always been here. It’s hard to remember life without her. And honestly, I don’t want to.

Of course, none of this would have been possible without my wife. I have to give her an enormous amount of credit. We both put in the work, the time, and the effort, but she has been extraordinary. She has handled everything with a strength that I can only admire. When I’m not around, she’s there, pouring her heart into caring for Willow while still keeping everything else running.

The Truth about Adoption: It Changes You

Adoption isn’t just about becoming a family. It’s about transformation. It changed us, shaped us, and made us better people. It changes the way you see yourself, your family and your priorities.

Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? More than I can say.

We didn’t just find Willow. We found our purpose.

For Other Dads Out There

If you’re a father, or want to be one and you’re considering adoption, know this: you don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t need to be perfect.

What helped me was finding tools that supported reflection and growth I found books like Parenting from the Inside Out & The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting really useful.

Fatherhood through adoption is real and remarkable. It will challenge you. It will change you. But it will also reward you in ways you can’t even imagine.

We found Willow. And in doing so, we found our missing piece.

That’s all that matters.

If you’re navigating adoption, We have shared the most genuinely helpful resources, reads, and self-care items on this page. Everything on there has made a difference for us and I hope it can for you too. Some of these may contain affiliate links — we only recommend what genuinely helped us