When Burnout Hits: Self-Care as an Adoptive Parent - Love Beyond Biology: Our UK Adoption & Parenthood Journey

Oxygen Masks & Real Life

They say you should put your own oxygen mask on first. But honestly? That’s hard. When our daughter walked into our lives—a bewildered, incredibly strong little girl carrying a huge story on her tiny shoulders—our world flipped 360. Self-care for adoptive parents often goes straight out the window. Everything was about her, making her feel safe, loved, and held. And if I’m honest, I don’t know if I’d do it differently. Because even though I reached burnout, she settled so well. You can read about our first week as a family in, adopting a toddler in the UK: our first week.

But here’s the thing: ignoring self-care did have consequences.

The Extra Layer of Guilt

As an adoptive parent, burnout comes with an extra weight. It’s not just exhaustion, its guilt, and a constant cycle of questioning:

Is this behaviour because she’s adopted?
Is this trauma showing up?
Is she missing her foster carer?
Did I do something too soon?
Will this make her feel unsafe?

Every wobble, every hard moment felt amplified by the wondering. I second-guessed myself constantly.

And on top of that, the voice inside whispered: “If you were stronger, calmer, better… this wouldn’t be happening.”

But the truth is, we’re human. Parenting through adoption asks us to carry both our child’s story and our own emotions, and that’s a heavy load. I have written our favourite adoption books for children, if you are wondering how we explore Willow’s story and life story work.

Therapeutic Parenting (And Being Human)

We need to talk about therapeutic parenting. Because it’s not just about your child, it’s also about you.

What I find toughest is trying to regulate my child while also regulating myself. It’s like being in two storms at once. I really did have visions of myself with unwavering patience. But sometimes? I don’t react in the most “therapeutic” way.

That doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It means I’m human.

Adoption professionals often stress that children need co-regulation, but co-regulation is impossible if the parent is completely depleted. Learning to pause, take a breath, and forgive myself for not being perfect has been one of the biggest lessons. Books like The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting or The Whole Brained Child help me feel grounded and prepared.

Losing Myself in Burnout

The biggest shock to me wasn’t the exhaustion, it was the way I became someone else.

If you’d asked me a few months in: “What do you like? What’s self-care to you?”, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. I didn’t know anymore.

I knew what I used to like before. Reading, for example, was my favourite pastime. I loved disappearing into a book. But in burnout, even reading felt like a tick-box exercise. I’d sit down with a novel and instead of enjoying it, I’d feel like I was just crossing “self-care” off a to-do list.

That was the moment I realised burnout had stripped away not only my energy but also my sense of self.

Slowly Finding Myself Again

Through reflection, open communication with my partner, and leaning on our support network, I’ve slowly started figuring myself out again.

Accepting help was the first step. It felt uncomfortable at first, but giving grandparents and family space to step in gave me space to breathe.
Reflection (even just jotting down a thought or two in a journal) helped me reconnect with what I actually enjoy, not what I think I should enjoy.
I cut out what was using my extra time and energy
I stopped pressuring myself to “self-care the right way.” If a nap, a podcast, or even scrolling TikTok felt restorative in the moment—that was okay.

Self-care isn’t about ticking off the right activities. It’s about giving yourself permission to be human.

What Self-Care Looks Like (For Me)

It’s not glamorous. It doesn’t look like Instagram reels. But here are a few things that actually work for me:

Micro-breaks – five minutes of silence when my daughter is playing.
Audiobooks or podcasts – I have also started to enjoy reading actual books again.
Meditation – Allowing myself to just exist and be present with whatever I feel in the moment.
Walking – fresh air resets my brain, even if it’s just to the shop.
Exercise – I try to squeeze in yoga, Pilates or cardio at least 3 times a week, it helps my mood and sleep.
A weighted blanket and tea ritual – one cup in the evening when the house is finally quiet.

Tiny acts. But they remind me I exist too.

My Favourite Self-Care Buys

When burnout hit hardest, there were tools that genuinely helped me rest, regulate, and recharge. These are a few of my favourites, the things that have actually made a difference:

Weighted Blanket – This has been a game-changer for calming my nervous system. On tough days, the gentle pressure feels grounding and helps me switch off enough to rest.
Noise-Cancelling Headphones – Sometimes I just need to block out the world for a bit, whether it’s listening to calming music, a podcast, or simply enjoying quiet.
Aromatherapy Diffuser – A little ritual that signals “pause time.” Lavender oil before bed has become my go-to.
Journaling Notebook – Writing down thoughts, frustrations, or gratitude moments helps me process the overwhelm and reflect on what actually matters. This one has lots of helpful prompts.
Heated Shoulder/Neck Wrap – Perfect for when stress turns into tension. It’s like a hug you didn’t know you needed.
Comfortable Lounge Set – Investing in something cosy that makes me feel put-together at home means I actually let myself rest instead of pushing through.

Helpful Resources for Adoptive Parents Facing Burnout

If you’re an adoptive parent struggling with burnout, here are some places I’ve found supportive:

Adoption UK – www.adoptionuk.org
PAC-UK – www.pac-uk.org (specialist support for adoptive families)
Mind (UK) – www.mind.org.uk

Final Thoughts

Burnout doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’ve been giving and giving without pause.

Self-care as an adoptive parent isn’t about bubble baths or spa days, although if that works for you, do it! But I’ve found It’s about tiny moments of restoration. It’s about leaning into your support system, admitting when it’s hard, and remembering that you matter too.

Because the truth is: when you care for yourself, you’re not taking away from your child—you’re building the capacity to love them even better.

Some of the products linked here are affiliate links, which means I might earn a small commission (at no cost to you). I only recommend things we’ve genuinely used and loved. Thank you for supporting this space.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like to read some of our recent stories and guides: